Unlike our, ahem, fine and venerated president, I am not one to classify everyone I meet as good or evil. That being said, I sometimes liken people I meet to the subatomic particles they resemble; those in which I feel a positive energy, I liken to protons, while others seem to radiate a negative energy; I always make an effort to keep these electrons at a safe distance from my happy nucleus.
If, however, I was a religious fanatic, I would assure you that I was assailed by the Devil here in the otherwise safe confines of Montevideo, Uruguay. Yes, just like Santa Claus, the Devil himself has quite a wide reachβ¦.
I cannot speculate as to what triggered his diabolical attack, for the evening had begun in quite an innocuous manner. I had spent much of the day at the Club Nacional de Golf de Uruguay, playing a relaxing eighteen holes as the wild parakeets flitted about in a scene of serenity.
Not only did I dispel my own myth, I nearly gave the grandmother playing alongside me a heart attack when one of my veering drives deflected off a nearby palm tree, nearly decapitating the abuela standing behind me. Fortunately, my Uruguayan hob-nobbing was not an expensive one, as Monday golf at this otherwise-exclusive club is free of charge. So anyway, I was quite tired and had decided to keep the evening low-key, as there was a famous tango troupe performing at , after which I could return to my hotel to watch my beloved Bears get trounced by the Miami Dolphins on Monday Night Football.
Ah, the beauty of American cultural imperialismβ¦. Obviously, however, the night had something else in store. The tango performance had been cancelled, so I had a little time to kill.
