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Unlike our, ahem, fine and venerated president, I am not one to classify everyone I meet as good or evil. That being said, I sometimes liken people I meet to the subatomic particles they resemble; those in which I feel a positive energy, I liken to protons, while others seem to radiate a negative energy; I always make an effort to keep these electrons at a safe distance from my happy nucleus.
If, however, I was a religious fanatic, I would assure you that I was assailed by the Devil here in the otherwise safe confines of Montevideo, Uruguay. Yes, just like Santa Claus, the Devil himself has quite a wide reach….
I cannot speculate as to what triggered his diabolical attack, for the evening had begun in quite an innocuous manner. I had spent much of the day at the Club Nacional de Golf de Uruguay, playing a relaxing eighteen holes as the wild parakeets flitted about in a scene of serenity.
Not only did I dispel my own myth, I nearly gave the grandmother playing alongside me a heart attack when one of my veering drives deflected off a nearby palm tree, nearly decapitating the abuela standing behind me. Fortunately, my Uruguayan hob-nobbing was not an expensive one, as Monday golf at this otherwise-exclusive club is free of charge. So anyway, I was quite tired and had decided to keep the evening low-key, as there was a famous tango troupe performing at , after which I could return to my hotel to watch my beloved Bears get trounced by the Miami Dolphins on Monday Night Football.
Ah, the beauty of American cultural imperialism…. Obviously, however, the night had something else in store. The tango performance had been cancelled, so I had a little time to kill.